St. Augustine's life in the spiritual world
Entering the Spiritual World
I am glad that from today on I can write what I truly wanted to write. I
do not think there are many who in their earthly life think, long for, wait
for, and prepare for the world beyond death. Anxiety about the invisible world
and fear of death must be common feelings for people with physical bodies.
In the second half of my life, I lived in awe of God's mystery and with
absolute faith in and hope for God. Because I had such faith and hope, I met my
death comfortably, although I did not clearly see the world to which we are
headed after death.
From now on, I would like to convey as much in detail as possible the
reality of the spiritual world I have experienced, and hope that this can
benefit the life of those believers who remember and long for me.
One day I sensed the approaching end of my life in the physical body and
the beginning of my life as a spirit. At that time, I did not recognize my
physical death, but felt a mysterious spiritual phenomenon arising in my body.
With heartfelt joy, I was led by two or three women guides to join a line of
many people and stand there quietly. My guides were wearing light blue clothes,
whose brilliance dazzled my eyes. After telling me to quietly wait in the line,
they went away. The line was not connected in one direction, however, and while
following it, I could not see at all where the people in front were going.
There were also many people standing behind me, and most of them were
quiet and warm. Their clothes were very natural and not colorful. Although I
could not see where the people in front were going, they dwindled in number and
my turn was approaching. Mysteriously, even without guides, those in front were
quickly entering some place. Finally, it was my turn. While I was hesitating
where to go, I suddenly felt myself being pulled up in one sweep of wind.
Then I came to settle down in one place; I arrived there without the help of any guide. I could see many people there: people in a large conference, people engaged in a worship service, people studying in a place like a school, children and adults getting together and walking around here and there, and so forth. I wanted to know where on earth this place was, but was unable to discover clearly where I was. Nor did I know where to proceed. Walking around and looking here and there, I asked a woman where that place was, and she looked at me and said that I did not have to know yet, after which she went away. Not knowing where to stay, I could not but keep wondering around the area. I did not know how many days I spent there this way.
One day, however, something strange happened; some unknown light
emerged, wrapped me and held me up, and flew up in the air towards some place.
At some point I fell from the air as if parachuting down, at which time a
mysterious joy and peace sprang up in my heart and I started to look for God,
shouting "God." Then, finally, I could hear God's voice saying,
"Stay here from today on."
From that time on, mysterious things started happening to me. When I had
a question, the answer promptly emerged in my mind, and when I thought of
something in my mind, it immediately appeared in front of my eyes. Moreover,
when I thought about going to some place, my body was already moving according
to that thought. This finally made me realize that this was not life on earth.
At that time, the situations of the invisible world I saw were still
almost the same as my experiences on earth had been, and thus I could not
distinguish between my life with a body and my life as a spirit. So I had to
ask others about it. I came to see that those around me were without a body.
After a while - I don't know how much time passed - I prepared a fixed
place just like the one I had had on earth where I could pray to God.
In this place, I prayed to God, asking, 'What am I to do here, and how
am I to live?" Then, all of a sudden, bright light appeared from all
directions, and it was as if electric lights of tens of thousands of volts had
been suddenly turned on. In such an atmosphere, I shortly heard a voice saying,
"You are you. So pray so that you become Me."
After this, the voice was silent. But I could not understand the meaning
of the voice, however hard I thought. So I prayed to God: "God, what do
you mean when you say, 'You are you. So pray so that you become Me'?" I
prayed about this over and over again. Then, one day, the voice reappeared in
bright light, saying, "You are you, Augustine. Pray to become God. You are
just you yourself. Now, become someone with whom God stays," after which
darkness engulfed the place. My eyes filled with tears before I became aware of
it. Tears of repentance started to flow from the bottom of my heart. I came to
realize on my own that my service to God in the past had originated in my
arrogance, and I deeply repented of this. This repentance was insuppressible. I
could not hold back the surging regrets that I had failed to become one with God
because of my arrogance and selfishness. I started screaming, saying,
"God, Please forgive my errors. Please forgive me.
I did not know how many days of such repentance passed. I only remember
that it took a long time to purify my heart. God did not appear to me in this
period. I resolved to continue to pray and repent until God came to be with me.
I continued to pray and repent from my very bones, saying to myself, "You
are you. You are only you." Although I had served God all my life, God could
not be with me.
April 24, 2000
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