St.
Augustine's life on earth
His Youth
In
general, people are born from their parents, grow up with their parents'
teaching, obey their parents, share love with their parents, and become married
with their parents' blessing. But my life was quite different from this normal
pattern in many ways. How peculiar it was, that I even wrote the Confessions!
From my childhood, ignoring my mother's tearful pleas for me to serve God, I
walked the opposite way; because God cannot be seen. I always lived with a
disobedient attitude to God, and this must have intensely agonized my parents.
At
this time, my parents' admonitions only stirred up rebellion in my heart, and I
only thought about how to escape from the constraints of faith, and live
freely. As days went by, this tendency of mine became more and more entrenched,
and I listened to no one. This way, with bad friends, I slipped into
fornication, which my mother hated most, as well as into dissipation,
indulgence, and even theft. I had neither a resolve to quit these evil
practices nor a desire for, nor an expectation of a new way beyond this life.
As for my studies, I took a passive view towards them, thinking of them as a
means of satisfying my parents' desires and pleas, rather than any wish of my
own that had anything to do with my future, and thus I did not devote myself to
studying. I could not but be content with this abnormal life, and that was the
most miserable aspect of my past life. Always associating with wayward friends,
I prompted them to do more vicious things, while showing them even more wicked
aspects of myself.
I
thought that the child I had was a fruit of my devilish life. Our relationship
was far from embodying even ordinary love between parents and children. I lived
at will, without accepting anyone's interference or subjecting myself to any
norm; this was my attitude and lifestyle at that time. At that time, the people
I made most light of were firstly God, secondly my parents, and thirdly the
woman I had; about them, I did not have even a small bit of worry or interest.
In short, I can say that my youth was a long period of miserable indulgence.
How, then, could such an unforgivable wretch be turned around to become St.
Augustine, who is admired by so many Christians today? What worked to create my
present self? Above all, I think it was my mother's devoted prayer and
endurance, and God's endless love.
April 20, 2000
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