An Experience of God

God as discovered by St. Augustine

An Experience of God

When I was living on earth, I was very curious about God, but I was only able to form a vague idea of God, because we human beings cannot see or feel God. But any human being must think about God at least once in his life. Could there be anyone who has not wished to see God at least once or has not thought that God is helping us at least in some vague way? Although we cannot touch or see God, we cannot escape even for a minute from the thought of the existence of God. This is what we are like.

I, Augustine, also had many questions about God, and yet saw no way to find their answers. On the other hand, it is also true that we do not have a firm logical ground to deny His existence. Who is God? I would like to write about God as I have found Him in as much detail as possible.

In the spiritual world, we cannot indicate periods as we do on earth, for instance from when to when, and how many years and months. But in my case, earthly people will be able to count my time in the spiritual world from the time of my departure. As I mentioned earlier from the time I entered the spiritual world until now, I have had a desire to record God's will, God's profound truth, the history of God's providence, the relationship between God and human beings, and so forth.

I found God to be the unique being who has existed from the beginning of the universe. What expressions should I use to thoroughly satisfy your curiosity? In a nutshell, God is literally the honored being of oneness (based on the Korean word for God, Hana-Nim). He is an absolute and unique being, of whom there can never be a second. Also, He is immensely large, fully present on the entire earth, omnipresent, and omnipotent. As a whole, however, God can never be captured in human thoughts or concepts; hence, no language that expresses something about God can be entirely accurate. It is thus impossible for me to describe the God of my experience as a whole and in every detail; even if it were somehow possible, you would not have the conceptual categories with which to grasp what is presented to you.

But at least I would like to provide a few examples showing God as I have experienced Him. One day, during prayer, I had a desire to see God. I prayed continuously, wondering, "What would God look like?" Then, suddenly, thunder and lightning struck from all directions, an atmosphere of terror attacked me, and I started trembling with vehement fear, asking God, "God, what is going on?" Then all of a sudden, the thunder and lightning disappeared, and I saw a light shining like a jewel and warm like the shimmering haze hovering over a meadow in spring. I wanted to touch that light because it was so beautiful and mysterious. This crystal clear light was turning around slowly like a snail, and kept disappearing and reappearing in a flash. After this repeated itself many times, the light changed into dazzlingly full colors and started turning around like a whirlwind. At the same time, magnificent fireworks were erupting on one side, and a brilliant rainbow was shining on the other. All of heaven and earth were filled with gorgeous light. On one side, light emerged from lovely clouds like a rain shower. Nonetheless, I know that it is impossible to express God properly in any language.

My eyes were so dazzled by this scene, and I was simply lost in the ecstasy. Then, all of a sudden, a loud voice called out, saying, "Lower your head." The voice also said, "Have you now seen God's image? God is not someone you can behold with your head straight as you are trying to do." So I dropped my head, kneeled down, and prostrated myself. Repeating "I am sorry, God, I am sorry," I started to see myself.

In this atmosphere, I experienced for the first time an enchanted and peaceful heart like I had never felt during my earthly life, and I felt confident that in such a state I could overcome any difficulties and resolve any problems. Throughout my entire earthly life, I had never felt or heard of such an enrapturing spirit. This feeling of happiness and confidence was so amazing that it simply defies description. I felt that this glorious light could melt away all my failings, sorrows, shame, hatreds, frustrations, and distrust, as well as all my pain and joy. It may be appropriate to call it a furnace that melts down everything.

Although I want to express the manifold images of God, I honestly feel at this moment that my description is short and unable to convey everything. One thing I could ascertain from this experience, however, was that God who revealed Himself in my experience is embracing us as a beautiful and crystal clear light of tens of millions of volts. I also realized that God comes to us in many different forms according to the different shape we each have.

April 27, 2000